Desires
Mood:  mischievious
Whoever really tells their true desires for shame? Most people hide who they are for what reason I am not sure. Like me I love sex. I am not ashamed of it though I used to be. I just don't sleep with any ole thing either I still have my choice in who I will sleep with. I am more into touching and oral than actual penetration. I go months without sex so when I do have it I am almost ready to faint and the pleasure is amazing.

Anyways my one true desire is to meet a guy with the same or atleast similiar beliefs as me. I doubt anyone in my area shares the same beliefs as me. Most people often jump around screaming you scare me but when people know me and truly know they see I am a good person and beliefs don't change what and who I am by nature. To find a true Satanist would be awesome to me. Most are not real people and real people I tend to brush off.

Well I am working so I will leave my other desires for later talk.
Cyn (KAN)

Nasty Men
There are some nasty men women claim not to like. And I used to claim not to like them as well. But I have this sick fetish of watching them as they kiss and fuck each other brains out. Its far better than sex just to watch them. I am a watcher you know. I watch the way the body moves when its naked. I remember the first time I watched two men together in real life it was amazing. The kisses made me want to be touched but I would not interfer. It was there time to be together. Most people dream of being them all of their lives and never make it to that point because they are scared and forever caring what people will say. Fuck People I say! This man sucked dick better than I ever could but I watched and took notes. Its important to watch others so you can become better than the next person. Its how I learn this. I watch. See those nasty men begin to 69 and I watch more closely because he can penetrate his ass while he sucks him off. Now that's some hot shit if I ever saw anything hot. I sat in the chair not saying a word and watched. He looks over at me and smiles as little drips of cum runs out of his mouth. I wish I could suck a dick right now looking at this nasty man suck him even after he came. I had to close my eyes and hold onto the image. Hell yes, I am thinking about two men, two nasty men together holding each other in their hands and allow me to watch. My word is that a knfe I see? It is and he kisses the blade. Making nice marks across his chest and the blood spills and I want to devour it. I want some as well. I want to cum just like that nasty man did. I want to feel just like him. He didn't say a word as the man cut him he looked over at me and smiled. They were such nasty men. After he drank from him and told him to turn over and they fucked. Have you ever seen a man cum while getting fucked in the ass. It was like Heaven was real for the first time to him and Death ceased to exist. I watched him inhale and exhale until he received his final kiss. I had to leave after that. Those were two nasty men and I have watched them more than once and I will keep doing so until my eyes can no longer see.

Cyn (KAN)

I asked to drink from his fountain and he allowed me one glass.

Beautiful Me
Mood:  suave
I have to wonder that sometimes only because the world image of beauty is not always a beautiful thing. I see beauty as being breath taking like the one time when I was in Ocean City Maryland and I watch the sunrise. It was the most beautiful and serene thing I have ever seen. I know I always write on negative things a lot but there was nothing negative I could say! Everything was exactly perfect. So would the world see that as beauty I am not sure but I did.

Another thing I find beauty in is dark things! Look at how the sky looks at nighttime and O' my thunderstorms are like the best creation of time. I would look out the window and watch the skies cry. Can you imagine anything more beautiful? Just thinking that everything on the earth has to cry. Something else other than human can feel my pain. Though it may not be the same kind of pain we both share the same tears.

So what is beauty to me? It is everything whether its pain, or happiness, or lust, or shame. Can you look inside the negative and find beauty? I know I can find beauty in so many things. Since I have explain some things maybe you can see what I think is normal and beautiful. Though I write about sadness sometimes think about the after effect after one has healed. In the worlds form of beauty they show you the happy happy joy joy side. I show you that what will become beautiful may not always be beautiful!!!

CYN (KAN)

Forbidden Poem
Make believe you know me and come and stay with me for a while
I have some things I would like to show you that I had to see as a child
Close your eyes and listen to the nothingness in the air
And watch as five men raped me with no worries or cares
Are you seeing them mistreat me the innocent child, how they laughed and laughed and said I better not tell
It was I who had stole away in the night to meet someone
I, who could not tell my mother where all the bruises had come from.
And upon the day he, they, all of them raped me I became pregnant with child
It moved in my stomach and dreamed of living but it was a mixture of hatred running wild
Soon would come the day when she spoke and told me to let the child go
I wanted to save its existence but it died prior to taking its first breath, how would i ever know
How would I understand life
And then have someone to explain death
I died when I was raped
And a child died for no reason with no escape
Was I the victim or my little one
Now an adult suffering the pain which should have never begun
Only if I would have stayed home

CYN (KAN)

My Life, My Dreams, Love Me
Though the light may burn my eyes, Every day I step out into the world to meet her fiery temptations. And I cherish all that she shows me. I, Me, the one who is despised for being a child of the night, allow my mother to grasp me and asked her to never let go. I have seen all this world has to offer and for each person here I shed rivers of undying tears and love. I must be a fool I told her because I love even those who hate what I do. And as the sunrises my mother arms slipped away. Though the light burned my eyes I could not look away. I dreamed in the darkness of the light my mother held and wondered when will I become the light? When will I possess the powers of life? When will I leave behind the immortal soul, the invincible dark goddess, and the possession of magical power to be one with myself. I stood there unknowing wishing that I knew the answer. But the time had come for me to return to my darkness, my father. He was all the I ever knew, it was he who loved me at night. Though she loved me during the day I was still trapped in both universes. All I wanted was for them both to love me. No just one or the other, both, Can they just love me both!!!!

CYN (KAN)

When is it too early?
Mood:  mischievious
I am always thinking about the weirdest stuff at the weirdest times. I am sitting here at work bored, I have a very easy job. Anyways I was wondering when is it to early to have sex? I never really thought about that before. I mean I normally have sex/relationship at the same time. So basically I am wondering what a guy would think if you wanted to have sex and just be like ok thank you and don't let the door hit you on the way out. I think Casual sex would kind of be cool if there was not so much dumb shit floating around. But I can just imagine that. Sex with no ties Man that would be the best. I would prefer it to be sex without the relationship. I am the type of person who sleeps with one guy and one guy only so even if there was no relationship I would be for him only even though I doubt it will be the same. Sometimes relationships cause too much stress. I rather play fight and have make up sex and send him home when he is done. So when is it too early for sex?

CYN (KAN)

WOW WEE WOW
Mood:  party time!
GOOD GRACIOUS

Yes, I enjoyed every minute of it!!! Some times we are allowed to receive the best of all one could give. I am always stuck with giving and not receiving. But early this morning I was the person who received and I think it was the best thing I ever got in my life. I never thought good people existed anymore and now I know that they do. All I can say is THANK YOU for the gift!!!

CYN (KAN)

Death Comes Slowly
Mood:  party time!
Have anyone besides me ever wondered why is it that Death is such a big fear? And then it seems that people who are doing bad in this world always seem to live forever and ever. Death is slow for those people! But then death sweeps down quickly and take the ones we love who are forever giving more than they should. And people wonder why people fear death so much. I think about death a lot more than one should and only because it is the one uncertainty in life. We don't know where we go when Death takes us and no one has lived after death to say so.

I can understand where people come from with the "I died and came back". But if you truly die there is no coming back in the same form so they may have had their hearts to stop or experienced an OBE but they surely were not completely dead. If they were why can we not bring back all the dead people in the world years later? It is because the actually life force has left the body and once that happens there is no return.

Can we beat death? I am sure one may think they can beat death but I doubt that anyone can. The body grows old and returns to which it has come from and then we begin a new life as something else. People think we just die and that is the end but I doubt it. Because we become apart of the universe. No one I know has been able to escape death. Even the immortal loses part of themselves when Death comes,even when it comes slowly.

CYN (KAN)

Another Nightmare
Mood:  not sure
I dreamed that I was back in the house I used to live in. I allowed a friend to visit me from a clinic. He was a self mutilator, and bipolar. I was at first sleeping in my mother's bed. But I went into the room where he was. I laid down beside him and drifted off to sleep. When I woke up he was still sleeping. I went downstairs to see what my mom and sister was doing. My mom had her boyfriend there and they were all cleaning up. I decided to go back upstairs and check on my friend. (Though I saw him and know him I can not recall his name) When I got back upstairs he was moving around in the bed. His eyes were slightly opened. He then begin to masturbate but he seemed sleep. He started sweating real bad and I started calling his name so I could wake him up. He would not wake up. I begin to get scared so I touch him. His eyes opened and they focused on me. I asked him was he okay he had a very weird look in his eyes. He said he needed to call his mother but she would not want to talk to him. I asked him for the number but he would not give it to me he wanted to call himself. So I handed him the phone he dial a lot of numbers. While he sat there sweating I rubbed his head, chest, and stomach because I knew something was really bothering him. It was like he was out of place here. He handed my the phone saying no one had answered. When I put the phone to my ear a woman was on the phone. I said Hello? She asked how may I direct your call (it was an answering service) I told her that I need to speak with a patient's doctor. My friend asked me who I was talking to. And I told him and asked the name of the Doctor he said Lawson. I asked for Dr. Lawson and told her to tell him it was an emergency. She told me Doctor Lawson would call back shortly I told her to tell him to hurry. He begin to breathe hard and he looked at me and he grabbed a knife I had hiding in my room. How he knew where it was I don't know. For a while we struggled with the knife. Eventually I was able to get it away from him. He began to cry I screamed for my mother to help me. Everyone came upstairs Mom, sis, boyfriend, and we decided he needed to be tied up. So we all carried him downstairs. Me and my sister begin to tie him up. I could not tie his hands with the wire. I then realized my sister was missing. And I am not sure how but her clothes were cut up and she was dead. I hadn't even realized he had killed my sister. I ran to the phone and called the Lawson clinic. When I called she said my brothers whole name. I said hello. Where is Dr. Lawson this fool has killed my sister. Please send someone to help. She told me Dr. Lawson was busy with another client. Which was crazy to me. I went back into the room and I beat him to death. The police were outside now picking up neighborhood kids and I had him in my hands. He was nothing more than computer chips. I stood there waiting to tell the officer what happen and I said no one is going to believe me. Right then my sister walked by me and boarded the bus. She had a blank face and so did the others who boarded. She didn't speak a word to me. I looked down at my hands and I woke up.

*This will be the second time I have dreamed of my sister's death.

CYN (KAN)

PRISON
Mood:  hungry
Prison---I think it is the most corrupt place to be! People who reside there become different people. Some of them get their a-- whipped then the others have to suck d--- and take it in the b--- what fun!! But it not fun when someone makes you do something against you will. I am laughing because I can't be serious at this point. I am just a nut today.

To be honest I know that prison is a hard place for anyone to endure for the fact life changes. I could not imagine being trapped around a whole lot of women that would drive me crazy. Then you have the ones who want to make you gay blaaah, they can have it. No problem with them being gay but don't try to make me gay with you. Anyways, I think men have a hard time in jail. You have people there who will constantly try you to see if you are what you say you are. And when fights break out I have to wonder how the guards get control over anything. Seems they never exist when the fight is starting. Where are they? How many people actually get killed in the prison system we know nothing about? And then most people section themselves off from others only to become apart of a group which they really don't want to be in. But hey what can you do if you are alone you may get hurt when worst comes to worst.

Drugs are every where. There are so many drugs in the prison system it amazes me. Makes me wonder how much of a cut the guards are getting? I want to be a undercover officer. I would hook everyone up. Work there for years get in good and tell on all of them. Yup, I would be a snitch LMAO. I always thought I could be a savior and save this world but sometimes its a lost cause.

Anyway I just wanted to talk for a while to get away from being bored. I will have better thoughts later on after I focus and have breakfast.

CYN (KAN)

Thinking
Mood:  chatty
I was sitting here and the thought crossed my mind who are the people in our dreams we have never seen before? Is someone else in the world sharing the same dream and wondering who I am? I always ask people about their dreams to see if someone has had a dream that I might have dreamed. I truly believe that person exist some where in this time frame I am in now.

Most people only see dreams as the mind taking a journey while the body rest. But that raises the question what happens when we sleep and we wake up with marks? I have unexplained bruises and scraps sometimes even pain that I recall doing something in the dream to get them. Was my physical body actually out moving around yet I never realized I had moved? I remember once dreaming of dirty collar tips and when I got the shirt out of the closet the tips were actually dirty. And I know I washed the shirt and hung it up clean. But sure enough the shirt was in the closet dirty.

I have to then wonder how much information does a dream hold? I have found to interpret all dreams one would have to have the key to the universe which no man has. But if people would get together and discuss dreams I know someone knows the answer to someone else's dreams. And it is not all religious base things either.

Someone brought to my attention time travel issues. I do believe in time travel. Everyone on earth no matter what their beliefs are capable of time travel you just have to get away from what the world has programmed you to believe. So are dreams apart of time travel but you always have to return to your original ground (meaning return to your true body). It is very possible I only wish I knew the answer.

Could it also be that Ghost, Demons, Spirits, whatever you will call them enter your mind and bring forth dreams? I have dreams were I actually spoke with beings and I know they were real for the simple fact on two occasions I was woke and could not remember waking up from sleep. People would say that is weird but I don't find it so weird. If one reads the King James Version of the bible you will see how a man told about his dreams and how beings enter and told him what to look for in life though he did not always understand what he was being told. Other books also list that beings come to us in sleep. So it has nothing to do with a certain religious background.

I have also notice that people exist beyond the grave very few people seem to believe this. Just as a warning there are good and evil spirits. Only fools believe that one or the other do not exist. There always has to be a good and a bad, a god and a devil, one can not and will not exist without the other. The one thing I will always say is never have fear! Fear will get you killed. In dreams when bad things happen I have programmed myself to have no fear. I used to wake up in night sweats due to the fact I was scared to death about being killed. But since I have overcome the fear of death no spirits have come to try and cause me harm. So I know that other things exist besides me and others like me.

Something else that bothered me which has nothing to do with dreams. So many humans who are just plain ignorant! Statistics show who and what commit the most crimes and suicides. I joined a group, I listen to these people talk for quite some time and saw more silliness and ignorance than enough. They were just as bad as the black man who says the white man is after them. They talked about how corrupt the jews are, how to beware of the blacks because they will soon attack. But what set of people are not corrupt and what race will not attack? To clear it up for all people and all races. Someone will always hate you no matter what! You can be the nicest person in the world and get treated with no respect. Rich people will always think they are better than the people who are broke. I know broke people who are smart as hell but don't have a college degree so no one wants to hear their words. I know, I know its better to have our races divided but that too is stupid in so many ways. For one thing we have been mixed for years. So there is no way to make anything pure again ever! Unless we destroy our existence. Dividing races would kill of certain races faster. Drug users will die, remember you can't clean who doesn't want to be clean (part of your race), Suiciders will die- you can't save what is already dead--decrease in race. Murderers-you can save who you can't catch---decrease in race. Criminals- will steal, and destroy your property and you have sectioned them off in your own area now. But I guess no one ever thought about that. Statistics are something to look at. I tell people I don't believe statistics to get them to speak honestly. I believe them whole heartedly. Separation of the races would kill off so many people so fast.

I just find the world so amazing. Before you say what is good for the world take a moment to think about it! Think about it in all ways. Think about the different races. Think about what your friends and family would say. Think about what people who are not like you would say. Think---stop thinking one-sided. Stop thinking just about you, you are not the only being in this world.

CYN (KAN)

Internet Chatting
Mood:  silly
I have to wonder why is that people are so quick to say something smart out of their mouth when you don't want to talk to them? This one person went so far to say I will be calling for God when the day of my death comes all because I would not talk to them. Now if they knew that I was a Satanist from the start why would they want to talk to me if I didn't agree with their beliefs. It just doesn't make sense to me. Maybe if I would have talked about sex or something foolish we would be buddy buddy. But I am not about to 4fill some nut cases fantasies!!! At times I think men are d--- right stupid and other times I love them to death. But the lil wee man got on my d--- nerves. If you want to talk to me that is fine but I will not down grade myself to an idiot for no man. It is said the woman has more power than any man and we all know it is true. We, Women can reproduce with science without the help of a man. So when the men die out we will make better men LMAO. Ones who are better pleaser. Anyways I just wanted to say a few words. I am not always a serious lady.

CYN (KAN)

Mental Thoughts
Mood:  down
I was just sitting here bored. I am not really a people person. Most like to be around a lot of people but I do not. I find that a lot of people lie about who they are I really hate that. But I think I hate being bored too.

I used to have a male best friend but he got locked up and everything seemed to have changed and we don't talk like we used to. Prison changes men a lot and its not always for the good. I hate that mess lost to many friends in the system. Sometimes I wish I could rewind time because I would have never let him spend so many years there. Maybe I will call him and say hi but I doubt it he works a lot so I stop calling him he calls me I never answer. I am kind of f---ed up on that part. But most times I don't feel like being bothered. I know I make no sense at all do I?

I am going to be an Auntie I am happy as hell over that! I can't wait for the little ones arrival.

I am not bored anymore (LOL) nothing has changed except for me adding a new addition to my many arts. I have no room for it but I will find some where for it to go. Yesterday I brought two things a bear name Lucifer which I made at the make a bear place and he says HAIL SATAN. And I brought a Cathedral Candleabra, people who know me know I always buy good and odd stuff. Well off to making my room lock different.

CYN (KAN)

Sex Dreams---What do they mean?
Mood:  quizzical
Sometimes I know the meaning of dreams and other times I don't. Sexual dreams normally are weird to begin with. You have sex with people you have never met or either you have met them and it leaves you to wonder what is the purpose of the dream.

Most of the time I have sex dreams it is basically because I actually am in need of having sex. The thing that gets me is that I am having sex with people I either don't know or I would not even think of in a sexual way and that is weird to me. It is always nice to have these dreams but then it leaves you with the what if thoughts. I have to wonder sometimes if there is some other motive behind it. Do I in-fact actually like this person but am hiding it from myself? Was it because they were the last person on my mind before sleep? Or do I enjoy sex with strangers in dreams? (LMAO) Whatever it is I sometimes have these dreams way to often. For instance earlier today and tonight I had sex dreams and both were quiet weird. One was with a co-worker and it was far from consensual sex, more so he took it. And the other was with a fat man who could not keep it up and I didn't know him. Just thinking of both dreams make me feel kind of funny because I didn't look at my co-worker in the fashion and I would have put the other guy out for slacking. But with both I enjoy the closeness of the touching even though in the first dream I argue with him over it and the second dream I tried to make the most of it.

I have had millions of dreams I guess and the ones that included sex were often things to make me feel weird and wonder who and what I was. I have dreamed about being with demons, beings with no faces, people I have never known, people who are dead,even some with rape and torture, and also co-workers and friends. And the one thing I can never understand is why does the mind chose to create these beings for me to have sex with!

CYN (KAN)

Mental Thoughts
Mood:  hug me
Some times we say we are alone but are we truly ever alone. With all the people who are around one only has time to be alone when they lock their self into a room. But what if no room is available and what if there will never be an available room for you? What do you do? I am not sure what to do.

Too many times I have shut myself off from the world only to emerge and become a new being, a changed being but still asking the same question what the hell am I changing into. For the night is lust and the day is lostness. And no not the lust where we spend our times intertwined in some fools arms but wishful lust. Who has not had nights and nights of wishful lust yet I will spend eternity alone because I have chosen to be immortal. No one can ever understand all that I have unlocked. So space is no longer mine. I now share the world with the universe and sometimes it is crowded here. I have changed and the more I change I see all this world has to offer.

QUOTE--- He who lusts for an eternity shall die by which he has learned and desired. CYN (KAN)

But then I have to wonder what is the point. You learn multiple things in this life and people die and lose it all. And you begin again. Your dreams are the key so write them down and read them often! You soon will see things in them which will lead you forward on your path of survival. Some people die at the wrong time because they are foolish. Lucky them--- I can never die :-( And no I am not writing some BS for people to read. These are honestly me!!!

CYN (KAN)

Where do I belong?
Mood:  party time!
To be perfectly honest like I always am I do not fit into Society because it is full of lies, full of deception and the only ones who do not see through it are the "Normal People". I see through all the nonsense because I have eyes and a mind to do so. People are fighting this so call war and don't have the slightest as to why they are fighting. Just fighting to survive they say but I see them fighting to die. Ask yourself this question while your family is being slaughter what is the person who called for war doing? Sitting down eating meals with his family. So no, I do not fit into this war, nor would I chose to fight in it. I am not about fight the whole world to get to one person that is utterly stupid. When I am going to fight someone forget about the other people who have nothing to do with it standing in the way. I am going for the head forget the middle man and the other followers. Let's be real about this! Society is a bunch of followers with no real leader. So I can understand why I don't belong there.

I don't belong in a school because they teach one-sidedly they tell you the positives without the negatives or either vice versa. They hide the truth from you because they don't want you to know how to survive in this world without people. They want you to believe what they teach you and nothing more. Unlike most I educate myself on the knowledge that I have. I read more than what the schools offer to me. How would one know of other people and different beliefs without self knowledge. Inventions are being stole from people everyday but books leave out the parts where people claim things they do not own. Read between the lines, some things are taught for one reason to make you become a fool. The Bible is a book which was written by man to deceive man! It tells people how to do things that are completely wrong. Its says we should not kill but then tell us how to fight in wars. It tells us not to have sex but dedicates chapters of reading about prostitutes and how they can catch a man. So no I do not fit into these schools that teach half truths.

Where is it that I belong? I know its not in a hate group because the things people hate people for is just plain stupid at times. I hate Jim because he is white and he controls my cash flow. Jim hates me because I am black and all we do is steal, kill, sell drugs, and eat chicken. I read stuff like that and listen to people say stupidness like that all the time thinking GROW THE F---UP! Hate is a waste of my energy. I can't blame someone else when I control my future! I decide on how much money I make not the so call MAN whom everyone puts blame on. I am far to smart to blame anything I control on someone else. People say Satan is bad and he makes all bad things happen. Some where else to put blame is all it is. So hate groups and me---I know D--- well I would not make it there. I love people not just one type of them. For every dumb a-- black person there are dumb a-- white people and every other race to stand right beside them!

I could go on but I will not I will save the rest of my thoughts for my personal journal. But I truly don't know where this black girl belongs and that is real!!! People hate intelligent people!

CYN (KAN)

Pride
Mood:  chatty
When one begins to take pride in self there is always and will be someone who adds hatred into the situation as a scapegoat. Why is that always the case? I have no problems with any race group at all but I have notice that a lot of people find hatred as a way to blame people for things they do not understand. I do not know all the struggles of the world nor would I claim to know but I do know that people need to either stand up for their beliefs or just be quiet.

Satanism for instance unlike most people I listen to what the xtian says on the most part because I want to hear what is being said about my beliefs. People are so quick to speak on things they know nothing about. How can one say Satanism is bad when they have never been a Satanist? Not all Satanist believe that murder and killing is the answer to all things. Not all Satanist are white I still laugh today when I talk about my beliefs. A black Satanist they say! But I am not just an ordinary Satanist-- I become what I need to be. Therefore I listen to learn. I have had open debates about xtians and their so call god and his awesome powers. And I can recall being at one time wrapped up in their foolish beliefs as well. But I can listen to them and still walk away with power in my hand. I find knowledge comes from listen and learning and not to become so angry one can not think. I have pride in myself.

Say what you will about me because it really makes no difference! I am alone in my beliefs because most people whom I talk to are either of another race (who quickly say I am ---- so I can't talk to you) or just so ignorant as to what a Satanist actually is.

I take pride in saying all that I have said because most would have not said anything. They would have read and not spoken.

CYN (KAN)

No Shame
Mood:  bright
I find it hard to believe that so many people have shame in what they do! Why is that so? I am not ashamed of anything I do this life is a learning process and only the ignorant see it as anything else.

Sin is what? There is no such thing as sin in my book because I do not and will not limit myself to what I can gain. Pride is suppose to be a sin but if you do not have pride in yourself isn't that low self-esteem? Makes you wonder what the hell are people believing in, words written by man? Sloth who doesn't avoid work now a days. I have to look at the 7 sins and laugh for the simple fact it is utterly impossible not to do these things. To not sin would be to cut off sex organs, cut out eyes and allow the brain not to function at all because with thoughts come sin. And Anger who does not become angry shall I fall to my knees now or what to get to heaven and ask about all of this foolishness O I forgot I won't get to heaven will I since I am a Satanist. People will believe almost anything one puts on paper.

Laugh with me on this one- Thou shall not kill! But then the Bible says eye for an eye. If he killed me in SIN then I should kill him also but then I would have SINNED. The Bible is such a joke! And I have no shame in saying so. You are free to believe whatever you want but Don't be a FOOL!!!

Sex before marriage please have it. I have talked to Catholics who are waiting until they get married and then find out the sex is garbage. Stupid! Some are so scared of STD's have sense to make them get a check up before unprotected sex. And one already should know not to sleep with just any ole body. Be selective! If and when I decide to get married believe me I am going to test the product out to make sure its good (LMAO). I can't perpetrate a fraud yes I have faked orgasms but hey if it works, it works. I am not about to marry a virgin or someone who lacks in sexual expertise, why waste my time.

You want to know why people catch STD's because they are stupid and don't understand how to select a sexual partner. Stop having sex without condoms people! But be careful they now have a new STD that will travel through a condom. Man makes so much shit to destroy a certain group of people and gets mad when they kill off their own kind. Yes I am going over all of it today! Drugs look at who they bring to the hospital with all the overdoses. Amazing isn't it!

People who use drugs to alter the mind are quite a piece of work! And they believe it is Satan who is chasing them, NOT! It is their own mind running wild. The mind is a tool you can use it or either abuse it. I use mine and I am not about to put that crap in my body. For what? I can travel and see different things without some drug that might make me believe I am a freaking cricket--chirp by yourself! If you chose to get high good for you to be honest I really don't care enjoy yourself. You only live once or do you?

Oh I wanted to talk about kidnapping it will be really short and to the point. Before you say who and what is an american remember it is YOU who kidnapped people and brought them here! YOU who tamed horses and treated any animal as less then what it was! YOU who claimed land you know you did not possess! YOU who brought drugs here! YOU who raped women and children! YOU its all YOU! So don't blame Satan for what foolish humans have done.

I study therefore I can speak it. I have sense enough not to believe what other people say just because it is written in a book. Pray for her they say Pray for yourself! Pray for your mortal soul don't waste your breath on me. I am fine believe that! Learn People, have KNOWLEDGE if not anything else learn what exist for yourself!

CYN (KAN)

What is Pain?
I am not really sure I have the concept of what pain is suppose to be yet. I understand pain to be a form of hurt but what is pain when it feels good. Like sexual pain. I am in love with sexual pain it feels damn good. I think of all the times I wanted the guy to pull my hair, grab me and choke me out but never said the words. I was always the quiet type with sex but I am telling you know pain and sex mix together perfectly.

Sword/Knife play--- I would not recommend this for everyone because we have some asses who will cut you to deep or get over excited and kill you. Luckily I have not ran across that nonsense and if I did I know to die in pride I ain't begging for nothing so you might as well slit my shit and get it over with! But like I was saying this is what I am in love with for real. I like a strong man and just the touch of a blade near my throat is like the best thing I have ever encountered. I mean run the blade all over me and I tell you we might be in bed for hours. But I love that kind of kinkiness most men are afraid to say what they really want. Stop being scared because you might have your dream sex partner right there in your house so quit the nonsense. But swords and knives are a big turn-on. Imagine all the things one could cut! And if he cuts himself well mmmmmmmm..... I will leave that alone.

Another thing about pain I think pain is a mental thing because you can tune that out. You can make it so you never feel pain. Like needles and stuff some people go to the doctor scared as hell of getting needles. Come on people it feels like a little pinch. I watch when I get stuck turning your hand is for punks. For one I want to make sure they are doing what they say and two I am a weirdo LOL. I just think people should stop being stupid over pain situation. I have been cut with razors more than once and I mean cut not little knicks and I didn't cry or go crazy I stopped the bleeding and went on my way. I really needed stitches but I just put some tape on it and it heal nicely. I also have had stitches in my face on the right and left side. Right side was a car accident, the left side was when I got into a fight with a guy. Neither time did I shed one tear and both bled like hell but I am not some ordinary weak woman who cries over spilled milk.

Back to sexual pain---biting OH MY now that right there is enough to make me forgot all about the bruising it causes. Some people don't like to bite but bite me hard not that little play stuff give me teeth marks. Don't get too wild and break my skin because I will have to whip that ass and if I whip it I am not sure you are going to like it. Hey I will be gentle (wait for it). Na, I will be nice. I could go on but I am going to stop with this because this will attract weird people. I might be weird but I am not that weird.

CYN (KAN)

Boredom
Mood:  bright
In the dark of night I waited and no one ever came. I waited, but time seemed to go by quicker. I noticed that my night time was his day time. And the same sunlight he enjoyed, I hated. But I still wanted to touch him. Wanted to see if he could become apart of me or would he destroy me. His lips were the life, my life needed and yet I never known of his touch. But I could see it every time I saw him. The brightness of his aura was more precious than the birth of a child. But I waited and he never came to meet me. Never came to see me. Never came into my darkness. Never, Never, No never had someone make me want to know them. And I doubt he ever will want me to know him. Because he is of light and I am of the night.



Darkness is beauty for even the ugly become changed. Alcohol even taste better by night. It is when u close your eyes you really feel ecstasy. Think of all the things we do in Darkness and get away with but when the light comes everything we do is now seen. The ugly person you brought home makes you sick to your stomach. The alcohol is hot like piss. Your eyes burn because the light is far to bright. I sleep during the day and live my life during the Darkness of Night. Where do you live?

Boredom is something else.

This is the stuff that come out when I get bored. I have more power stuff but I am saving that for my books. One day I will be more than just an unheard voice.

CYN (KAN)